Sorry, I don't speak sober.
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
