So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Randomize
