I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Randomize
