Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
Randomize
