I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
Who died my cat blue again?
Randomize
