True but thats because hes a fetus.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
