Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
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