Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
