It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
