Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
