I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
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