i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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