i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
