i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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