He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Randomize
