thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
