Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
