When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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