and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Randomize
