Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
My dick has a subreddit
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
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