how hairy? two words: wookie tits
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
I party with great urgency now.
Randomize
