Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Randomize
