you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Randomize
