Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
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