you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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