Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Randomize
