I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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