Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
