forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
Randomize
