no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
