Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
