I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
