come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Randomize
