Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
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