Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
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