...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
