Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Randomize
