May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Randomize
