i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Randomize
