No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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