I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Randomize
