I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
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