If i come over, it means nothing
dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
