apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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