I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Randomize
