No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
Randomize
