Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
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