I am puke
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
