A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
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