I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize
