Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
Randomize
