I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
i just google imaged poop.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
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