yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize
